I Know They Saw It!
I began to think about my adoption around the time I had children. I am an adoptee - this is a word that hadn’t escaped my lips very often prior to my mid-twenties. An adoptee is a person who has been permanently taken into the custody of an adult or adult couple who acts as that person’s parent or guardian. However, it wasn’t until I discovered the Adoptee Mentoring Society (AMS) that I realized the word "adoptee" encompasses so much more.
Being an adoptee can mean being strong, resilient, empathetic, loving, and confident rather than chosen or different - the words most often used by my family to describe my status. When I turned 46 this past February, I decided to take a leap of faith and attend my first Adoptee Lounge through AMS.
It was life changing. For the first time, I felt heard, seen, and understood—a true sense of belonging with people who share my adoptee experience.
I immediately purchased a branded, vibrant green hooded sweatshirt with the big, bold, retro-style words emblazoned across the chest. It arrived on a Thursday, and on Friday, I walked into work proudly representing the Adoptee Mentoring Society. The positive response I received was overwhelming and surprising since I did not expect any reaction. Some asked about the organization, and some asked if I was an adoptee. I was proud to say, "Yes, I am!" I was happy to have an opportunity to talk about the organization and about adoption being a part of my life.
On Easter, I got together with my adoptive family and wore my sweatshirt. Usually, I wear a sports team sweatshirt and it draws discussion about the team. I know they saw it because many glanced at the logo, but quickly averted their eyes, and none of my family members asked me about AMS. It felt like they worked hard to ignore noticing my sweatshirt. Was it disappointing? Yes. Did it surprise me? No. My family has a well-developed ability to ignore uncomfortable topics and apparently this topic is still off-limits.
It appears that my sweatshirt serves as a litmus test.
It seems that those close to me are afraid to engage, while co-workers and those who don’t know me very well often express genuine curiosity.
Society expects adoptees to assimilate. We tend to mold ourselves to fit, whether it be with our families or even social groups. AMS has shown me that being an adoptee is about being strong, resilient, loving, and confident. It is not something to shy away from. The AMS sweatshirt for me has become a symbol of strength, resilience, empathy, love, and confidence. I am an adoptee and proudly wear the AMS sweatshirt so all can see - even those who pretend not to see it.
